我以为；

memories brought me back to 3 years ago. i miss those times, i really do. i wonder how you are, if your memories are in sync with mine. i miss the times when everything was laid out and all i had to do was go through the motions. feeling so lost and confused then, but i realised it was a turning point. but we can't turn back time, we can only attempt to relive the memories and burn so vividly in our minds. people walk out of our lives so easily, and sometimes it makes me wonder if any of it was my fault. if i were friends with myself, would i be goodfriends with me? or would i think i'm a bitch that deserves to die. i would like to know. i wonder what makes friends, friends. i wonder at the end of the day, if friendships are formed because there's a need to, or because, they just is - that we need to make use of one another for survival. i don't know. :/

if somewhere out there, the past me exists, there's so many things i'll tell her. will i change the past? probably. not cause i regret the decisions i made, well, inevitably, there's bound to be some. but i'll change the past, which results in the change of the present and the future, just so i'll have a totally different experience on life.

so many thoughts running through my head. the wheels are spinning so quickly i can barely process anything. i feel so broken inside, and i wonder just where i'm heading to. with age, comes the many uncertainties in life. and i just want to shout "STOP!" just stop for awhile, let me breathe, let me try to prepare myself. i'm not ready, i'm not ready for it all. growing up seems like such a natural process for others. but i can't grasp the notion of it, i just can't. i feel like such a failure, i really do. the want to curl into a ball and just hide there forever.

i'm sick of me. i play silly mind games with myself and i'm actually amused at that.

a step at a time, baby steps.

& she let the overdued tears fall.

dear God,

love,
hannah