sliced;

everything was going well. job and people were great. they make you smile and i was happy with them. thanking God for every single thing in my life. but things don't always go your way.

i had so much to tell you, so much i wanted to share with you at the end of the day. then that message came. i was shocked. felt like a tight slap in my face. a reminder i'm not allowed to be that happy. what right did i have? shouldn't be typing about this, too raw, too deep. not meant to be loved by anyone. vulnerable.

choked. but what i feared more was the constant urge to inflict pain. when will i be over this? 2 years should've been long enough.

tired emotionally.

words do lose their meaning.

painful awakening;

so many thoughts running through my mind. only so much i can say to express myself.

please don't let this fall apart.

so.. down. and then everything bad comes at once and you just don't know how to handle them. and then you see it's so much easier to say, "i give up". but it ain't right, isn't supposed to be like that.

safe in my own embrace, then i let the tears fall.

i lost my joy to the coldness of this society. and.. it seems perfectly alright.

locked up;

i secretly find the title very applicable. it was the same words used by pgwen to described how we're feeling. but i guess, in a way, it's very apt now. :/

in the wee hours of the night, i've never told anyone, but i'm really afraid of the dark. more towards being afraid of the night, secretly, because you don't know what the night has in store for you, and because it's night, it's the end of the day. where activities cease, and your heart should be put to rest. but it scares me, and i don't feel safe. don't feel safe here at all.

i don't know how to describe how i'm feeling. i'm perfectly okay with going through the routines, going through each day. i should be contented, should be.. at ease? but i feel nothing like that. the head knows it all, but the heart doesn't. i'm fighting against myself, and i don't know why.

a different kind of heartache, that i can no longer comprehend. i am not who i am, neither do i understand. the heart's searching for something i can't find. like, a lost pace of mine.

'the tumult in the heart keeps asking questions, and then it stops and undertakes to answer in the same tone of voice. no one could tell the difference.' - conversation.

can't think anymore. telephone from lady gaga sounds so relevant to me. okay, but it's not good.

flyaway;

constricted;

disclaimer: angsty (very) girl at work. read with an open mind and don't judge. else, leave this page now. thanks.

i don't like it when so many people intrudes into my life. even though i do understand it's for my own good and all, but still, some things need to remain private. and please, stop telling me what to do. there'll be a limit as to how much i'll abide before i leave; i will rebel because i feel suffocated.

so this is me, trying to figure my way around the whole group of people breathing down my neck about should dos and shouldn't do.

oh well, get used to it.