i wonder, at the back of my mind, have you ever loved me?

so tired, but i've stopped trying to make sense of everything. stopped trying to lie to myself that i'm loved, that i'm worth it, that maybe if i try harder.. you'll notice me. cause all i ever wanted was your affirmation.

i'm turning 20 next year.

maybe i don't celebrate my birthdays at home because no one finds the need, i don't find the need. because the underlying question in my mind wonders: is my birth a celebration or a curse? i don't know, and for once, i'm gonna walk away from all these thoughts. it'll haunt me at times, but those time, i'll live with it.

sometimes, i wonder if my cheerful demeanor was just my way of escaping. shrugs, don't matter.

with love,

hannah

despair? no, trust!

so here i am again, trying so hard not to be tempted to say.. 我绝望了！yes, i pretty much screwed up my geog.. but, let's not go there. hahah! i was thinking, and thinking and thinking about it. like.. what if i don't do well? what if i fail and have to retake the whole sem again? what ifs.. what if. but then, i started to look back down the road of memory lane, and all i see was how i overcame each trial, academic wise or not, again and again. but i know it isn't because i have grown smarter each time (maybe i did), but because God has seen me through and i know His plans and His directions for me. so.. why worry? i tried, i really did. so i did all i could and now, it's not my turn anymore. it's His, so i'll leave it all to Him.

really grateful for the wonderful and amazing friends i have who would send me prayers through smses. i guess that's the kind of sense of belonging, and acceptance so many of us are searching for. but i found it here, found it in amongst God's people, and i'm really thankful. :)

i'm not sure why i decide to write again, probably cause it forces me to think, to reflect, and to pen down my thoughts. helps me exercise the ability to string words together to make a sentence, to not be repeating myself over and over again. like.. GEOG PAPER. but it's okay, it's over. i'll do better next time :)

okay, time to source for a new blogskin and to start lit.. maybe. okay, maybe not.

with love,

hannah

shrugs

so tired. :(

i wish, i had the energy to pen all that i want to write, to pen my thoughts, but i'm too tired to pen down anything that is coherent. but.. can't wait for the 29th to be over!

flyaway;

haha, yes, i know i haven't blogged in a long while, and i said i wouldn't. so i lied. hahah!

this phrase has been playing over and over again in my mind

"why are you searching for validation in places you don't exist?"

i'm not sure either. but for once, i just want to be appreciated for the things i'm doing, and for showing love when they don't deserve it. shrugs, life is hard.

flyaway, 不管留下多少眼泪，渐次下去，动力还在，nothing i will be afraid~