i wonder, at the back of my mind, have you ever loved me?

so tired, but i've stopped trying to make sense of everything. stopped trying to lie to myself that i'm loved, that i'm worth it, that maybe if i try harder.. you'll notice me. cause all i ever wanted was your affirmation.

i'm turning 20 next year.

maybe i don't celebrate my birthdays at home because no one finds the need, i don't find the need. because the underlying question in my mind wonders: is my birth a celebration or a curse? i don't know, and for once, i'm gonna walk away from all these thoughts. it'll haunt me at times, but those time, i'll live with it.

sometimes, i wonder if my cheerful demeanor was just my way of escaping. shrugs, don't matter.

with love,

hannah