you know the kind of feeling you get when you lose everything, and when you feel like you've lost everything, everything, including the one last thing that can sustain you - hope. you fall into the never ending bottomless pit, trying to find a way out. but at the same time, you resign to what's gonna happen. you try to takes things into your own hands, to have some say over it, but before you know it, things are spiraling out of control even before you had time to say, "shit!"
and all of a sudden you're brought back to this song your friend once wrote, 'and though my heart breaks i know You have the plans, i lift my hands and surrender, i find my hope in You.' it's funny how in your most hopeless situation, you once again find new hope renewed, and you just stand amaze. and you see the wonders of what complete surrender does to you. that relief, that reassurance, that.. peace. :)
i've come to see, sometimes, it's really okay to let go and still be afraid. but it's in the letting go where beauty sets in, and you know you're just gonna be alright.
sometimes He calms the storm, and other times, He calms His child. and right now, where i am, i know He's doing both. :)
on the other hand.. family just doesn't feel like a family anymore. and i guess,, part of me, i'm still searching for that answer. so.. what changed? why this strain? i don't get it. and part of me kinda believes, i just don't belong, and i never did? maybe i'm still waiting to be proven wrong. and i pray, in my silence, in my chosen isolation, you'll come to see, i need help to tear down these walls. i'm still a girl, a girl who still believes in happy endings, who believes good triumphs all evil and that there's always good in everyone. i pray, it's this girl inside me you'll see and capture, to assure and to nuture. i'm still.. waiting, still hoping.
intricate complexity; strands intertwine, hearts refined.
