i really miss you. i wish i could tell you all i'm feeling now. or just to have you silent on the other end of the phone line. you'll help me sort out my thoughts, ask me the right questions, help me to find myself. but now, i can't find my heart. not a very nice way to begin the year.
perspective of faith or perspective of fear? even as i was sitting in the chapel, listening to what's being said, i was afraid. because looking back, when i did my papers, i did it with a perspective of fear, because then, i already felt defeated. and this morning, i knew i was being attacked spiritually. but i couldn't say anything. i decided to just follow through, pretend everything was alright, like everything within didn't matter. but it felt like a turmoil, churning deep within. i couldn't engage in worship, i couldn't stay where i was. i wanted to run, i wanted to scream. but i did nothing. i continued to be how i would be, was supposed to be. perspective of faith or fear, does it matter now? would it actually change my results? God, i can't hide any longer. but on my way home after lunching with shaunice, i felt you say that this year was gonna be a season of change, a season of molding, shaping. becoming who i was meant to be, made to be. but strangely, i just felt as though i couldn't hold on to Your words.
come back home soon, you.
oh right, resolutions. hmmmm.
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