i should prolly be using this time for sleeping instead of doing everything else that i'm doing now. but i'm just seriously, whole heartedly, really very very very tired. emotionally, physically and spiritually. even as i'm typing this, there's a choking back of tears that threatens to fall. i don't know how long it's been like this, but i really just want rest. i don't want to run around just giving.. giving just out of obligations, giving just out of head knowledge, giving, because of the position i'm in. i want to rest, i just want to be able to slow down, breathe, look around and see that the world's still as beautiful as it should be. i want to stop questioning myself when i wake up daily, why am i even waking up.
i know my purpose for life, i really do. i know i'm called to this mission field to heal hearts has been broken, to show God's healing and love through the process, though not explicitly sharing the gospel. but i just feel so tired. it's like i'm running on a routine, and i don't want to be. the one reason why i chose to respond cause i wanted something that is different daily, i wanted to be used.. just as i am. and i guess the ironic part is when God chooses to use you just as you are, you suddenly realise you wanna take back your response and you're left wondering why you even answered the call.
shrugs, i'm tired. i just need to.. rest.
love,
hannah
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